Poly+Amor=Us

Monogamous friends just don’t get it!

This week, Mike and I discuss how it can be hard to be polyamorous and not have friends who understand the lifestyle. It’s exhausting to have to constantly explain and justify your feelings and way of loving. So, it’s important to have friends who do get it regardless of if they are polyamorous or monogamous.

This week's drink: Mad Tasty Sparkling water with hemp and CBD. Watermelon kiwi flavor. Mike and I both give it a 7 rating.

In this episode we discuss:

• Most of our friends are monogamous and think what we are doing is weird. But they are still friends with us.
• What it’s like to have friends that don’t want to know anything about our other relationships now that we are polyamorous. It’s hard because relationships are a HUGE part of our lives, so it feels like there’s this whole side of ourselves we have to keep private.
• Mike is more understanding about his friends not wanting to hear about his other relationships, but for me, it makes me feel like they don’t care enough about me as a friend to want to know more about me and my beliefs.
• Mike disagrees with me. He thinks that it’s a matter of interest. Some people are naturally more curious. But some friends aren’t intrigued by it, so they don’t ask about it.
• It’s difficult to always have to explain ourselves, repeat ourselves, and explain ourselves over and over again.
• I talk about the difference between friends asking questions because they are genuinely curious, and friends asking questions because they are being judgmental.
• Mike talks about the wide range of responses that friends have when first finding out that we are polyamorous, and how their different responses are a reflection of their own personal beliefs. It can reveal more about someone’s belief systems and how they truly feel about someone who goes against their beliefs and social norms.
• We do have friends that are super curious, listen to the podcast, and ask questions because they are genuinely curious. There’s no judgement behind their questions, and they are seeking to understand us.
• Do all friends need to care about every aspect of our lives? Do we have to be all in or all out when it comes to friendships? It’s a quality vs. quantity kind of issue.
• Mike compares us to cats and dogs, and it’s hilariously accurate!
• So, where do we find those friends that totally understand what it means to be polyamorous, or at least want to try and understand? Well, you can find them in our budding community, The PAC!
• If you’re polyamorous, ethically non-monogamous, or curious about polyamory and wondering if it’s right for you, then join our community! This is a safe space FOR YOU to meet other like-minded people who totally get this part of your life. A place where you don’t have to explain yourself. A place where you are accepted for exactly who you are.

If you want to schedule time for a 1:1 Peer Support Session click here!

Looking for Community? Join The PAC!

Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Patron Membership!

Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz!

Loving the podcast? Support us!

We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com

If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at hello@polyplusamor.com or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle

Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

How did we know we were polyamorous?

In today’s episode, Mike and Elisa discuss how they realized they were Polyamorous. It wasn’t an immediate “a-ha” moment, but something figured out over time. Mike came to it through the theoretical side of things through reading books. Elisa figured it out through the practical- based on patterns she noticed from her lived experiences and feelings.

Specific topics include:

• Mike read psychology and dating books that outlined polyamory
• He also, heard other men’s experiences and stories of being polyamorous and felt like it was something that would make sense for him.
• Mike felt like he had to hold himself back whenever he met a woman he was really drawn to while he was in a relationship.
• So, if Polyamory was something Mike was interested in, why didn’t he suggest it to Elisa when they first started dating?
• Elisa walks through a few different scenarios in past relationships where she wished she had known about Polyamory. This lead her to realizing that she had a pattern of falling for more than one person at a time. Hind sight is 20/20!
• Elisa also talks about how she wished she had had a mentor of some kind who could have given her guidance around her love life and ethical non-monogamy.
• Elisa cheating was actually the perfect opportunity for Mike to suggest Polyamory, a relationship style that he had always wanted but hadn’t felt confident enough to pursue.
• Mike and Elisa truly believe they would have “found” polyamory eventually, even if Elisa hadn’t cheated.
• Mike and Elisa describe what they feel they have gained in their lives since embracing polyamory.

Elisa is excited to offer Peer Support Sessions! These sessions are for anyone who is discovering they may be Polyamorous and need some help and guidance navigating what they are experiencing. Or for someone who is already polyamorous and needs to talk to someone who also understands polyamorous relationship dynamics. If you want to schedule time for a Peer Support Session click here!

Looking for Community? Join The PAC!

Want to watch episodes and see the silly faces Mike and Elisa make? Join the Video Podcast Pal Membership!

Is Polyamory right for you? Take the quiz!

Loving the podcast? Support us!

We have a website! Check it out at PolyPlusAmor.com

If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at hello@polyplusamor.com or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle

Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

We’re back!!

We are back! After a year-long hiatus, we are back at it and have some exciting news to share!

First, we are creating a Community called The PAC! As many of you know we have been searching high and low for the Poly community in LA. Like, does it even exist!? If it does, we haven’t found it yet. So we decided to create our own! The PAC will launch on August 2nd, so mark your calendars! We will share more details in later podcasts.

Next, we started a Ko-fi page! Ko-fi is like Patreon but way better because it doesn’t take out a huge percentage of the money that is donated. This is where you can support us and the podcast with a one time payment, or join one of our monthly membership tiers to support us on an on-going basis. This is also where you will be able to access the video portion of our podcast moving forward.

Finally, we are really trying to grow this podcast and reach more people. Why? Because it’s our mission to share our story and help to normalize Polyamory and other forms of Non-Monogamy. The best way to help us with this is to rate and review our podcast! If you do, we will send you our Resource List filled with book recommendations, tv shows, and other podcasts to explore! To get the Resource List, rate and review our podcast on apple podcast. Take a screenshot and email it to hello@polyplusamor.com and we will send you the resource list. Simple!

This season we have started taste-testing non-alcoholic beverages! Specifically, drinks that are a substitute for alcohol. This week’s tasty beverage is Recess and the flavor is Strawberry Rose. It’s a pink cloud of deliciousness!

Ok, so here’s what we’ve been up to in the last year:

• Elisa worked 5 different jobs last year and is no longer in the restaurant industry. Yay! She is doing social media management full-time.
• Celebrated our 3-year wedding anniversary wine tasting in Paso Robles.
• Got snowed in while visiting Mike’s Mom for Christmas!
• Mike got a new job! And sadly, his commute has not improved.
• We didn’t date at all! I know, we said we were going to, but we didn’t date.
• BUT Elisa has been dating this year! She shares a little about how it’s going and what she is looking for, but a more detailed account will come in later episodes.
• We’ve been working on a HUGE project that is related to Polyamory that we are so excited about, but we aren’t allowed to share the details just yet! As soon as we can you’ll be the first to know!

If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at hello@polyplusamor.com or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle

Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

”You are such an Aries!” Astrology Part 2

Announcement: This is the final episode of our first season!

We will return after the summer to continue the podcast with season 2. Follow Elisa on social media for more updates throughout the summer and for the announcement of when season 2 will begin.

 

In the final episode of season 1 Mike and Elisa continue their conversation about astrology. Specific topics include:

• How a birth chart can make more sense as someone gets to know themself more on a deeper level. Elisa and Mike both give specific examples of how certain aspects of their charts started to make more sense as they got to know themselves better.
• Elisa discusses her Sun, Moon, and Rising signs, and how she used to deny certain parts of herself. This lead to feeling like her chart, at first, didn't make sense.
• Elisa talks about how her Mars and Venus are both in Aquarius! This was a huge indicator for her that non-monogamy was probably a good fit for her.
• Elisa's North Node is also in Aquarius! What does all of this mean, and how does it relate to polyamory?
• Mike and Elisa discuss how their North Nodes are in the other person's Sun Sign, and how this means they are both striving to learn and embody the qualities that the other person naturally possesses. 
• How does looking at the different aspects of your chart and looking at the different elements play a role in deeply understanding oneself and becoming whole?
• Mike and Elisa discuss the Matrix! What is an awakening? What does it mean to push past limiting beliefs and to wake up to new aspects of the self?
• "Someone can show you the path, but only you can actually walk it."
• How have Mike and Elisa seen their lives align with their North Node over the past few years since their Awakenings?
• Aligning to your North Node isn't an easy task. It is something we are all working on our whole lives, so what does it look like to get out of your comfort zone and align with your North Node?

If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at Hello@PolyPlusAmor.com or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle

Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

”What’s your sign?” Astrology Part 1

Mike and Elisa talk about astrology! This is part 1 of the conversation where they talk about how astrology and polyamory can go hand in hand. And if you don't know anything about astrology don't worry! Elisa breaks everything down so anyone can follow along. This discussion focuses mainly on Mike's birth chart and specific topics include:

• There's more than one sign!? What are Sun, Moon, and Rising signs?
• Elisa breaks down the meaning of each aspect, and how it can show up in someone's birth chart.
• Mike's Sun, Moon, and Rising. What are they and how has he embodied them throughout his life?
• What are Mars and North Node?
• What has Mike's personal growth journey looked like and how does that relate to his Mars and North Node?
• How does any of this relate to polyamory!? Mike and Elisa break it all down for you.

If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at Hello@PolyPlusAmor.com or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle

Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

”I just can’t get enough of your love, baby!” Chasing Someone Else’s Love

In Episode 14, Elisa and Mike explore the common desire to chase someone else's love. Specific topics include:

• Elisa's and Mike's personal experiences with both chasing someone's love and having someone chase their love.
• What causes someone to chase another person's love?
• Did Mike and Elisa become polyamorous to chase love for external validation?  
• Is love more than just an evolutionary human trait that brings men and women together to reproduce and carry on the species?

If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at Hello@PolyPlusAmor.com or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle

Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

”Hey, why’d you invite all of these people? I thought it’d just be us tonight!” - Pick Up Lines!

Mike and Elisa share pick up lines they have heard and Mike even reveals some pick up lines he's tried using in his younger days. Specific topics include:

• What pick up lines has Elisa heard and did she think they were good?
• What pick up lines has Mike used before or heard his friends use and did they work?
• What are the different types of pick up lines?
• Do pick up lines work in general?
• What is a better, more natural way of approaching a woman rather than use a pick up line?
• What are some men's dating books that include, and don't include, pick up lines?

Books mentioned during the episode:

• Neil Strauss - The Game
• Richard LaRuina - The Natural
• Mark Manson - Models
• Josh Pellicer - The Tao of Badass

If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at Hello@PolyPlusAmor.com or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle

Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

”Wait, you’re married!?” Men’s vs. Women’s Responses when Revealing that We’re Married.

In Episode 12, Elisa and Mike share their thoughts and experiences when it comes to revealing to a potential new partner that they are married. Specific topics include:

• What have been the responses thus far that Elisa and Mike have received when revealing that they are married to a potential new partner who has always been in monogamous relationships?
• The different approaches and difficulties for Elisa revealing to men and Mike revealing to women that they are married.
• A discussion on the evolutionary and societal reasons why revealing your marriage status, and dating in general, is different for men and women.
• When is it appropriate to reveal that you are married to someone you are interested in during your first interaction?

If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at Hello@PolyPlusAmor.com or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle

Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

Defining Belief Systems

In Episode 11, Mike and Elisa delve deeper into a topic briefly discussed in last week's live stream. They discuss their own personal experiences when it comes to defining your own belief system versus simply following societal standards and/or the beliefs you've been taught by your parents. Specific topics include:

• What are societal standards for being a "good girl" and "good boy" and how can this strict definition at a young age limit someone from finding their own path?
• How have Elisa and Mike come to recognize and change their own belief and behavior patterns?
• What specific influences have Elisa's and Mike's parents had on them to make them who they are today?
• What do Elisa and Mike think defines a "good" spouse in a polyamorous, non-monogamous marriage?

Also, near the beginning of the episode, Elisa is trying to remember a field of study where a person's behavior and environment has a physical effect on their genes. That field of study is epigenetics.

 

If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at Hello@PolyPlusAmor.com or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle

Music provided by Scott Holmes Music

 

Live Chat #2

This week we did another live episode where we answered your questions! But first, we talk a little bit about our vacation in Cabo, and also about societal beliefs that shape our lives and relationships.

Here are your questions that we answered:

• What aspects do you feel like you're still trying to figure out as a couple?
• What is a core belief that you each have that differs from your parent's core beliefs?
• What is something we each hope the other will get to experience because of polyamory?

If you have any questions or would like to contact Mike and Elisa you can email them at Hello@PolyPlusAmor.com or message Elisa on Instagram. Her handle is @_Elisa.Janelle